I want to hold on
I need to hold on
How do I hold on?
It hurts so much.
I want to let go
I need to let go
How do I let go?
I care so much.
I reach out
I reach too far
I can't pull back!
I start to tear.
I want to hold on
I want to let go
I want to pull back
Would I pull you too?
Half of you?
Or would I tear through?
Self-sufficiency is not
All it is cracked up to be.
How do you ask a friend
"Do you need me?"
How do you show a friend
That you want to need them too?
I can love. I can care.
I can be there for you.
But can I open myself so far
That I need you?
It's not the pain
Even if you can't be there for me
I'd get over that.
It's not the disappointment
Life's a game,
With winners and losers
And I expect to be both sometimes.
It's the fear
That if I let myself need you
Too soon
Or too much
That I'll break things.
That it isn't fair to dump on you
When you have too much to deal with already.
That maybe you don't really need me
Or want my needing you
But will feel guilty that you don't.
That now isn't the right time.
What scares me the most
Is that then, maybe
I won't be able to let myself need you again.
And that by asking too much
Too soon
I will have guaranteed
That it will never happen.
So I wait
I try to hold on
To needing you.
Because it is somehow easier
To need you
And not tell you
Than to tell you
And risk not being able to need you.
Self-sufficiency is not
What I want
Anymore.
I want
A friend.
You.
Am I losing, am I winning?
Should I flee a good beginning?
Out of touch, my head is spinning.
Want to run, I need to hide, but?
Am I winning, am I losing?
Your softest touch is painful, bruising.
All at once, my world confusing.
Want to die, I hurt inside.
Was it too fast I grew to care?
Was it too soon my soul I bared?
So unsure, I feel so scared.
Want to stay, I need to go.
Are you also tumbled, churning?
Do you share my fever, burning?
Or am I all alone in yearning?
Want to hope, I need to know.
Life was simple, things were clear.
Then last week I found you near.
Things are complex, life is fear.
Want to tear, I try to mend.
Am I bleeding, am I healing?
So unsure, my senses reeling.
Should I try to fight my feelings?
Want to share. I need a friend.